I'm leaving on a jet plane...

Well, it's been two years. I finally get to go home in a few hours. It hasn't really struck me how long it's actually been. How much has changed since I was last in Malaysia? The years pass by so quickly. One year left before I graduate. I'm sort of packing but I have no clue as to what I should bring back. I've never been good with gifts.

I just had a short flashback today. A flashback of how things were like in my younger days. How I used to prepare to get ready for school every day. How I used to come back from school and have everything I need at home. How home was the place I spent so much time. How I used to go to friends' places for project work and play. I can't imagine how accustomed I have grown to my small little aparment here in Adelaide. Away from everything that brought me up through the years. I know, this is just another phase of life. However, it surprises me how much I've let go of since coming here. All the memories...

I remember when I was young, I couldn't imagine leaving my room. When I was small, I couldn't accept change. I was adamant that my bed should remain the way it always was and should never change. Now, I've been sleeping in a foreign bed for 3 years. How things change as you grow older. Change becomes something you get used to quickly. I wonder how much has changed? How does the dog, Spot look like now? Will he remember me when I get home? How much has the house changed? How much has my neighbourhood changed? So many questions that will be answered in a matter of hours.

I can't say I don't miss home. The thing is, I've always busied myself with things here. If I'm not playing I'm working or studying. I've never had periods where I could just sit down and reflect on home. Probably that's why I don't feel lonely. It was when I had this short period of flashback earlier in the day that I felt a sense of loneliness. Not loneliness from people. Loneliness you get when you've been away from home for too long. So this is how it feels.

I wonder how my family feels with me gone for so long? Would they have missed me? Do they think back on the days when I was always around? It's one thing leaving something behind. It's another thing altogether for those you leave behind. Time passed so quickly for me. Was it the same for those at home?

The time will soon come when I have to make a decision about whether I decide to stay here or go home. My emotions conflict so much when I think of both options. I have no problems staying. Besides, I've built a name for myself here. But if I stay, what about my family? If I go home, I have to start from scratch. Career-wise, it may be better to stay here. However family-wise, it may be better to return home.

Well, I need to make full use of my time at home. Hopefully my trip back home is worth the money it cost. I hope I didn't forget to pack anything important as well. Alrighty then, time to finish packing and get some sleep.